burning tides

7:53PM - i'm so happy now a days.

i realy am happy. so happy that i bought a couple cars for my collection today. well of course one is for brette and the other is my own. black ferrari modena coupe and a grey aston martin. i must say i do like them very much. tomorrow i'll be heading out with liz to go find her a hummer. she wanted something that could haul, but still be comfortable and unusual. i figure a black hummer will do the trick. it's my money. $53,000 won't leave too much of a dent in my wallet. it feels good to have money when you really feel like buying stuff. this is a rare occassion but i suppose it's to honor the fact that i'm free as a bird on the wind.

~fox

9:52PM - the Quadfecta, it's fall, and it's diseases.

"I'm thinking Simon as a name. It's good and strong and isn't used too often, what do you think?"
"I'm thinking we get off this topic, you've been on it for awhile."
"I'm going to be a father, I'm excited. If this was your son I think you'd be doing the same thing, right britty?"
"No."
"Yeah you would ~insert light chuckling~"
"No. I wouldn't. I can't get pregnant, Fox, I don't have a uterus, I don't have ovaries, I CAN'T get pregnant!"

It had brought tears to my eyes then, when I had frist heard one of my best friends talk about how she couldn't have what she wanted most. A child. I called doctors trying to see if it was even remotely possible to have gene therapy, a transplant, anything that could possibly reverse what nature had taken away from someone i thought was a beautiful person. A deserving person. Nothing could be done save an artificial vagina be created for the young woman so she could at least enjoy physical contact. I figured that would at least be something that could go right for her, something that she would enjoy. We discussed it, and soon after, the topic was dropped. The holidays of 2003 were coming up, and our 'quadfecta' was going to be spending Thanksgiving in Kansas and so we targetted that as a choice of conversation. What we were going to bring, what we would do what we would need, and even though she verbally cringed when the ladies spoke of feminine products, we laughed until we cried, and smiled endlessly. It could be heard in our voices as the weather slowly turned for the coldest months of the year. We didn't care, we had the warmth of friendship to wrap ourselves in.

I wasn't one of the welcome wagon memebrs that drove to pick her up from the airport the day we all got in. She'd had her flight delayed, I wasn't feeling well, and so I stayed behind. I later found out that the girls, Brette and Liz, had been a bit nervous around her when they met her. In fact they later said they went quiet because the photos we'd seen were of a tall, shapely, long-haired blonde and what they met up with, and i later saw, was a rather portly young woman, with no real curves, and short brunette hair. When I met her, I was baffled, and it was easy to read the girls' eyes that they too were somewhat upset with the apparent lie. Regardless of the fact, it took mere moments for the party to swing into full action. I skipped the mall as well that evening, but later heard that the cacophony had unraveled after Brette had made a crack against Liz's 'Quarter Horse' shape and subsequently, Liz cracked Brette into the glass walls of the Gap as they strode past. Never-the less, the hockey styled checking resulted in Brette learning first hand the rumors of Liz's strength and solidity were true. It was a laugh for everyone to hear how Brette had flown across the mall hallway and landed in a shuddering heap at the base of the window. I personally laughed until I cried.

There were numerous points in time that I'd had Britty's hands on my body, and she'd also curled up to 'hump' Liz's rear-end while sleeping the first night in. Once again everything was passed on into laughter, everything except a kiss or two I had recieved between my shoulder blades from Britty. I'd felt bad. We'd had a short-lived relationship, and it was easy to see she was still hurt by the break up that had been caused by a six month detachtment from any means of communication. I'd since found my true love, and was happy with her in my arms the entirety of that trip. I had been grateful for Britty's calmness when an on ice injury had resulted in a small concussion. The massage she gave had popped my badly aligned spine back into place, Liz's hips into realignment, and Brette's back into submission, but now that I think back on it, I cringe. I'd had a funny feeling about this girl, this allegid sweetheart of the troop that had such a wonderful sense of humor, I'd had that funny feeling since we first started talking about her 'problem' and how she swore it was because her mother had been a druggy while she was pregnant with her. Intriguing, I had thought, Sad as well. It never sat well with me, nor did it make sense.

Ten days passed all too quickly, and home we all went with a set of smiles, tears, and plane delays that held Liz and I overnight. In the morning I said my goodbyes to the poor woman who had nearly gone insane due to Armani, a small Chinese Crested Liz owned at the time, and his apparent love to relieve himself on 'welcome mats' and anything that resembled one. I'd been amused, as was Liz, and Brette. After many hugs, and a short wait, we flew on the big silver bird all the way back to Palm Beach, and went to lunch happily discussing the events of our recent trip, and met up with our friend, Dawson who later became Britty's boyfriend. Dawson and Britty became a couple after a few hours of talking, and their similarities in pet choices. Both had a dog that was atleast part Sheltie, both had experience with exotic reptiles. They'd been seperated once more by a computer glitch until I'd shown him that AIM wasn't all that bad, and away he went, enjoying conversation. All the while I'd sat with Brette and Liz discussing our friend Britty. Each time wondering if the extreme size of her hands and feet, the lack of breasts, and hips were somehow connected. each time we drew the conclusion that she was not born a woman without certain parts, but really a man missing two key things. We'd felt bad, decided to keep our thoughts to ourselves because it would only upset someone we loved dearly. Time went on.

Disaster hit in late March, I was once again diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in the brain. I'd previously had to under-go radiation therapy nearly five years before inorder to attempt to cure another tumor. That attempt was successful, although it was taxing on my body in many other ways. The cancer had returned. I was dying. Being selfish I didn't want to die, I didn't want to leave those I loved. Britty held a form of a cure. Happiness, hope, a friend. I asked her to come visit. Initially she agreed, and so I was happy, but then excuse after excuse happened. She'd applied for college, didn't want to change semesters. I saw my hope fading. I became bitter, another stage to the acceptance of death. Dawson became angry with her one night and in a withdrawl induced rage, he said a few nasty things. Nasty things the entire crew had wanted to say to Britty. Her friends attacked us and brought us to our knees. We seperated from Britty, and fell into a deep depression until one night Britty suggestively attacked Dawson for his drug problems. A problem he had no control over, having been born addicted to heroine and adopted by a loving family. Dawson had never really recovered fro mthat addiction. She attacked Liz for Liz's fury, her spirit, the keys that kept Liz's ignition running. And she attacked Brette for being with us, for loving us as we love her. She attacked Brette because Brette had an eatting disorder. The wave crashed hard on the shores of redemption, and redemption shrank further and fruther away unleashing it's toothed beasts on the sea and fighting it back as the waves became bloody. It was then I decided that I could take it no more, and that the hypocrisy, that Britty claimed to loathe yet displayed had torn my depression away from me. Britty can't control her deformation. She can't control the fact she may be a Hermaphrodite or complete A-Sexual, just as the others mentioned above can't control their own issues. But like her, I will sit here and bring them out into the public like she has. But instead of being cruel and crass, I will be civil, and I will also accomplish to get off my shoulders what has been eatting me away for nearly three years.

Thank you for curing me of my own demons, Britty. You can have them back, you gave them to me, now they can eternally rest with you. This is goodbye. Did you not think it would come?

~Fox

4:46AM - and so he lives.

i have been alerted that dawson lives. during the final exam down in the hospital morgue, a slow pulse was found as well as a few gasps for air. i'm skeptical. very skeptical. but hipeful in the same instant.

3:31AM - a symphony of mixed emotions.

britty i took it upon myself to pay for your harem pants, and so they have been shipped as well. consider them a gift. i'm sure you'll put them to good use, they're beautiful, as are you. forgive me for what i've done... i beg you.

liz draw, paint, write. your troubles will be taken away and streched tight onto canvas. you have an ability to channel your emotions into your pieces, don't lose that. let the magic flow from your fingers again.

kit oh kit where are you when i need to pray to you for salvation again? you are my saint, kit. please save me from drowing in my tears.

brette you are my life raft, one of the few who have not taken me for a short walk into hell. you haven't tried to trap me, to hurt me, to make me believe i nthings that weren't there. and now i just ask for you to hold me.

dawson i will miss you greatly, my friend.... your heart was pure, but your mind befuddled by the substances you allowed to alter it's state. your love went unnoticed, but the intention of your fury against her will not travel the same path. you were special, kid. rest in peace.

2:05AM

There are no words to describe how deeply imbedded i find this remorse and grief i'm now stricken with over losing two more people down this agonizing path of thorns more commonly known as life. i'm found now in the middle of the garden of winter, laying an icy rose upon an acrtic grave. i weep for him as i'd weep for my own brother. dawson anthony derossi has passed away at the age of 20. happy birthday dawson, you recieved the release you craved so much. may you rest in peace.

but on another, yet even more depressing page that Father Time's so eagerly written out in beautiful text, i've lost a sister, my best friend, and she who nearly replaced the hole my mother's death left. brittany has severed physical ties, and yet the pride and the honor in which i say her name has refused to fade. she'll move on to bigger and better things, and while i cry in anguish, i also smile at the thought of the future. she's given me so much and yet i have done nothing but tear her down and debunk her claims to life and fame. i've become a monster in my final hours, and this was the chain thrown about my neck to stop me, though it was too late.

i am a lot of things. a monster, an fbi man, a believer in fate, but i am not, nor will ever be a liar. i'm not a liar when i say that i love brette, liz, and britty dearly. i'm not a liar when i say that my heart has broken. i'm not a liar when i state that dawson's death has left a crevice in my heart that will never be filled.

keep on riding, don't stop, don't turn around until you've blazed on after the sunset. keep your eyes on the stars, they belong to you. three special women who will never fade from my memory. three of the greatest artists, philosophers, and lovers known to the modern world, and yet they lay undiscovered. meep meep, you three. ~weak smile~ meep meep.

~fox alexandre chasee

2:32PM - well now.

i've taken down the psychological profiling, and have completely rewritten it. the piece will be the first to appear on KAK-Files, which is designed not to slander, hurt, or enrage anyone, but truely show the nature of the beast for who and what she really is. KAK-Files is proud to be a side show piece of Kimmaugh.com.
If anyone would like to contest our rights to do so, please, step up and place your e-mails to the address i've provided, or else you can do what others have done and sit back to read things that are informative, not degrading unlike what has appeared on the PoE forums over the past few years. The United States constitution enables us to do as we please for we do have wonderful things called ammendments tacked on to it that give us the freedom of speech and expression and many other glorious things.
Nothing has been done here to break the law other then what Kim has done to bust through the fences our government has put up, and for that she's to be punnished. As far as getting public records for $49.95 or what have you, whoever did that was robbed blind. You can get said records mailed to you for FREE by simply calling up the city inwhich the law was enforced and said trial was held.
From now on this journal can only be commented on by registered users, which means that you'll have to have the audacity, time, and the balls to actually leave a name inwhich to be contacted by, by proceeding to ATTEMPT to degrade people of a higher class with silly anonymous posting and be mixed in with Kim's insane rants, you've only proven to not only myself, but whoever's read the comments, that you are infact cowards as Kaffe stated, Go back to school, gain a degree in ANY form of human psychology and then tell me what I can and cannot do in the court of law, in my own practice, and for the US Government.
Attempting to contact me via whitepages.com info will proove fruitless as after a cellphone call from Kim herself claiming to be a lawyer, i've gone through the actions to have my information blocked from the public eye.
~fox

11:53PM - survey

Name: fox
Nickname: foxo, foxy, foxish, whatever brette calls me
Birthdate: 2/02/80
Zodiac sign: aquarious
Siblings: nothing alive
Pets: none

DESCRIBE...
Your heritage: irish
The shoes you wore today: justins
Your hair: blonde, shoulderblade length
Your eyes: blue
Your perfect pizza: anything but anchovies or mushrooms

CURRENT...
Current location: office
Clothes: wife beater and sweats
Taste: apple pie
Hair: blonde, shoulder length, wet
Annoyance: Kimmaugh
Smell: new computer
Thing you ought to be doing: sleeping
Desktop picture: HP crap
Worry: temperature
Crush: apple pie
Shampoo: whatever's in the shower
Favorite celebrity: Depp

LAST...
Movie you rented: 'introducing dorothy dandridge'
Movie you bought: 'how to lose a guy in ten days'
Movie you saw: 'introducing dorothy dandridge'
Song you listened to: 'furious angels' rob dougan
Song that was stuck in your head: some stupid destiny's child song that's over played.
Song you've downloaded: can't recall
CD you bought: POTC soundtrack, though i can't find the bag.
CD you listened to: dance party [add number here]
TV show you've watched: don't remember the name.

LAST TIME YOU...
Had a nightmare: few nights ago
Said "I love you" and meant it: a couple seconds ago
Ate at McDonald's: awhile back
Dyed your hair: HAH, YEARS! i streaked it blue with koolaid YEARS ago.
Brushed your hair: this morning
Washed your hair: hour ago?
Cried: this morning
Called someone: this morning
Smiled: second or so ago
Laughed: this morning
Talked to an ex: earlier.


LAST PERSON...
You touched: brette
You talked to: brette
You hugged: brette
You yelled at: tara
You had a crush on: apple pie
You kissed: brette
Who broke your heart: ~thinks~ kit
Person that called you: brette


WHAT IS...
Your most overused phrase: 'y'know?'
Your thoughts first waking up: 'i will create proper blinds that actually block the sun'
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes, smile, way they carry themselves

DO YOU...
Have a boyfriend or girlfriend: mhm, much more then that classification but, yep.
Have a secret crush: APPLE PIE
Remember your first love: yes
Still love him/her: eeeeh as a friend
Consider love a mistake: nope
Wish you could live somewhere else: yes
Think about suicide: attempted it.
Believe in online dating: heh. is this a trick question?
Want more piercings: no
Want more tattoos: no
Drink: yes
Like the taste of alcohol: depends
Do drugs: no.
Smoke: no.
Have sex: on the off occasion
Like cleaning: no
Like roller coasters: LOVE!

Write in cursive or print: doctors scrawl
Carry a donor card: no. never will. call my selfish, or call me somewhat religious. i follow liz's native culture you fuck up someone's soul when you mess with organ donations. don't mess with life, if it ends, it ends. period.
Cuss: yes
Take a shower everyday: yes
Want to get married: yes.
Type with your fingers on the right keys: no
Get motion sickness: sometimes
Think you're attractive: NO
Care about looks: no
Think you're a health freak: no
Get along with your parents: no
Play an instrument: piano, cello, violin
Sleep with stuffed animals: sometimes
Have a dream that keeps coming back: yes
Read the newspaper: yes
Pray: no
Go to church: no
Have any secrets: I LOVE YOU APPLE PIE!!!!

Talk to strangers who instant message you: with a raised eyebrow
Hate yourself: no
Have an obsession: yes
Collect anything: stuff
Have a best friend: yes
Like your handwriting: eeeeh
Have any bad habits: supposedly i bite in the bedroom, but only one person's said that out of 5.


DO YOU BELIEVE...
In witches: yes
In Satan: yes
In ghosts: yes
There is life on other planets: yes
In God: no

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...
Long distance relationships: doable if you really want a nice pay off in the end.
Using someone: i confess. i'm using brette. all the way from here. i'm using her to get.... a glass of water.
Suicide: not worth it anymore.
Killing people: certain people
Doing drugs: perscription only please.
Premarital sex: i'll copy liz. 'if you're SURE they're the one. go for it, but make sure you're both comfortable and able to handle the consequences.'
Driving drunk: just plain retarded.


FAVORITE...
Soap operas: my life
Food: baked ziti
Things to talk about: many
Sports: equestrian, football, hockey
Clothes: jeans and a t-shirt
Movies: POTC, the crow.... dragonfly
Band: seal
Holiday: hmmm....


NUMBER OF...
Times I have had my heart broken: many
Hearts I have broken: a few
boys I have kissed: none in a romantic way. just father son peck on the cheek, forehead, booboo you get the idea
girls I have kissed: a few
Continents I have lived on: 3
People I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: four.
Scars on my body: many


IN THE PAST 30 DAYS, DID/HAVE YOU...
Drink alcohol: no
Smoke: yes
Done a drug: no.
Made out: no.
Go on a date: no.
Go to the mall: yes.
Been on stage: no.
Been dumped: no.
Gone skating: no.
Made homemade cookies: yes.
Been in love: yes.
Gone skinny dipping: no.
Dyed your hair: no.
Stolen anything: this survey

HAVE YOU EVER...
Cried over a girl/boy: yes, girl.
Lied to someone: yeah.
Been in a fist fight: yes
Been arrested: yes, but not convicted.
Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
Been caught "doing something": ~coughs and pokes his signifigant other~ britty walked in on tender moments.
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beaten up: by my father and bullies in grade school, yes.

THE FUTURE...
Age you hope to be married: yes
Numbers and names of children: a big giant herd with every name you can imagine
What do you want to be when you grow up: criminal profiler! psychologist! OH WOW MOMMY I'M A BIG BOY NOW!

7:43AM - amusing.

http://www.geocities.com/wintermistrealms/

somebody made that site and i commend them, really.
~fox

7:05AM - my picture

~grins~ aren't i ugly?
~fox

3:25AM - further updates.

i have added kimberleigh keister as a friend inorder to study her on a more intense level. i'm really quite interesting in understanding how this nearly mythological beast works and exactly what makes her tick.
~fox alexandre chasee

3:19AM - ~snorts~

apparently i wasn't prominent enough in the kimmaugh crusades so i sneak attacked the beast on IM. of course she was true to her nature and blocked me. poor baby didn't stay for a fight. HEY PEOPLE GUESS WHAT?! I'M THE NEW KYLEN/KAFFE!!!! not. last time i checked i still had a penis and balls. unfortunately i had to use one of kaffe's run away sns, considering kak already has both of my home sns blocked from previous close encounters of the 'fox' kind. needless to say i wasn't much of a gentleman, then again she's no lady.

-X-

S mply V ndctve: i'd just like to say that i would be fox alexandre chasee, the co-creator of the 'bad touch' parody that can be seen on my LJ 'HauntedSilence'. i'd also like to say that you are by far the most repulsive display of mental issues rolled into one human being that i have ever had the displeasure of dealing with both on a professional and personal level. your ignorance astounds me as does the fact that by zooming in on ANY select portion of your skin provided by your pictures, you can see a direct similarity between it and a NASA mars display. do enjoy the rest of your evening.
S mply V ndctve: oh an i'm not kylen's friend, i'm kaffe's best friend, therefore i'll stick with her until the very end. impressive, yes? loyalty is a beautiful thing.
wintersibs signed off at 3:16:16 AM.

9:19PM - oh yes.

my name is fox alexandre chasee i'm a 24 year old male with no affiliation to kylen miles other then the fact i love her artwork. ~winks at kimmaugh~
~fox

9:17PM - 'bad touch' by Fox and Kaffe

Ha-Ha! Well now we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and whales that you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby, sweat you've got enough to curb a Texas drought
your fat ass does the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put get your hands outta my pants and feel your own damned nuts
Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and your sex flick's getting two thumbs down
I've had enough of your flipper's touch, and WHAT?! YOU WANT IT ROUGH?!
I feel smothered by your blubber just like waffle house hashed browns.
When the word comes quicker that fed-ex that you're in town, like Coca-Cola stocks I'm inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

I'm running away now
You and me Flubber we may be nothing but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Running faster now
You and me Flubber ain't nothin' but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You're the cure to a school boy's boner

You're the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where you stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be out of your south seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you DEFINITELY sunk my battleship
Please go away, Mr. Coffe, you're on automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine, and while you're tyring to find it I'm just gonna book it
And I'll be damned, didn't I see you last week on "X-Files"?

I'm running away now
You and me Flubber we may be nothing but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Running faster now
You and me Flubber ain't nothin' but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You're the cure to a school boy's boner

You and me Flubber we may be nothing but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Running faster now
You and me Flubber ain't nothin' but mammals
But I will NOT do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You're the cure to a school boy's boner

_{* This song is a parody of the original song 'Bad Touch' by the notable 'Bloodhound Gang'.}

9:04PM - to britty:

you've finally been added as a friend of mine, even though i've known you for about a year now. i suppose it was about time. excuse my procrastination and please accept my most humble of apologies.

1:48PM - ~sighs bitterly~

i don't like being trapped here or having to listen to joyli's sick and twisted humor about her taxidermied dog she's dressing up like it was a child, or how she's amused by a skinned century old wolf hound that's been made a mockery of by having it's eyes poked out and human hair glued to it's head. there are really only four people, four adults in this world that i can consider true friends. people that understand my thought process and how i tend to respect and mourn for the dead, rather then dress them up in doll clothes day in and day out for my own amusement. in that regard i don't doubt that joyli's mentally disturbed.
if the only way to deal with death now is to make fun of it, i want no part of the humor. i'll stick to the old practices. you don't see me laughing madly about my mother because she died giving birth to me, or the fact she was a prostitute up until she met my father.
people are disgusting.
~fox alexandre chasee

11:17PM - ~whistles while he works~

AKC national championships. the high point of all highs in the canine show arena. this is what every breeder, handler, and owner wants to win. the prestige, the dignity the beauty, i admire all of it right down to the groomers and the twelve men who founded the AKC out of a love for dogs so many years ago.

i'd like to extend my congratulations to the following breeder/owner/handler combinations out there that have placed so well tonight, not to mention my personal friends.

congratulations to jeri lee and Ch. Bayshore's Crusin the Casbah for your outstanding best in breed for Chinese Cresteds and your near placing in Best in Group!

congratulations to Hannah Cassidy and Ch. Impressive Dancer on Ice for your incredible runner up placing for best in breed for Siberian Huskies. for dancer being so young, she did so well.

and as for nationals, the most incredible night for AKC participants, how and where was Kimberleigh Ann Keister? The show was in Long Beach California, so close to her home! And what did the runner up for Sibbies have to say about Kim? well let me tell you. she asked 'who?' that's right. the runner up asked 'who?' about the most important AKC handler and judge for Siberian Huskies. so i then had to tell them the name of her most 'covetted' dog; Wintermists Salido Crow CGC. Hannah's reply was a priceless and informative one.
'last time i heard of him was back in 2001. the dog didn't place well and was beaten by dancer's mother. it was a great win for her. as for the dog? i couldn't believe his call name was wolf. it'll stick out for a long time [insert laughter and dog yowls in the background] and as for the handler? i was appalled by the technique. the dog was alright, his form a bit off, but real nice otherwise. but gosh, that handler, i think she was a bit y'know mentally challenged.'
i, personally, was amused and explained to her exactly who kim keister was. one of the judges coming to comment on dancer also sat in on the conversation. he too, a veteran judge in california, had never heard of kim keister OR Salido Crow OR Wintermist kennels. that doesn't make things look good for kim at all.

as a psychologist i think this a very profound case of what people do when they're uncomfortable with who they are. they try to be others and make those who doubt them look bad in the eyes of the public. i also agree with hannah's statement that kim keister is indeed mentally handicapped. as for Tia Lurie, my beautiful friend, keep on going girl, get Armani in tune for next years nationals and get Lucky going up for Worlds!
~Fox

4:00AM - taken from liz who took it from rohan who took it from some other toad.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. What makes you feel this way?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. What do you think my strength is?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?

3:37AM - late night time.

isn't it odd how you can watch a movie and relate not only to the people in the plot but somehow swing it directly into your life? i fund it simplistic, a yearning and a quiet travesty that makes me believe that perhaps there re intelligent writers out that and actors that can convey the emotions meant to be conveyed. i saw one like that last night. needless to say i was more then interested not only in the romance, but the comedy that tangled and weaved itself throughout the entire flick. impressively done. i'm glad i saw it instead of procrastinated once again. kit's brilliant that way i suppose. i'm lucky to have her in my life.

and speaking of things about life and warm, touching things. brette wrote me an e-mail that had me in tears for a good long while, and they weren't bad tears. no. these were tears of joy and a serene warmth that rarely touches me. it touched me then and i suppose it'll touch me for the rest of my life.

i mourn for liz, how she's listless and seemingly so gloomy over the apparent wait she has to make for her lover to come home and hold her in his arms. she'll get him, he'll come for her. i know him well. i know that although he can be pig-headed and a downright nazi, he's got a heart. i can only hope he survives the wrath of the girls snarling and barking at him. may kit and liz save his soul i'm not stepping in on that one.

i'm starting to come back to life just a bit. sight's returning to the eye that was attacked by a firework last year. Nothing's more frightening then being blind, or atleast partially blind. it's apparent i'll be fully colorblind in that eye, which sets the world off in an odd glow. i can see better in the dark. it's amazing, really. perhaps it was a bit of a blessing. i can see movement like nevr before, though it does make for a bit of a start when a lizard you normally ould never have noticed suddenly darts through the undergrowth infront of the house.

bottom line? i'm inlove, i'm alive, my chest isn't really bothering me anymore. i know liz will find her happiness. i know kit doesn't hate me, i know brette doesn't think i'm a fool. i know britty isn't peeved at me for being me.

life is brilliant.
-fox alexandre chasee

12:00AM - stolen from liz's journal who stole it from 'clocky'

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. white 'wife beater'
2. black drawstrings
3. boxers

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. phone
2. pens
3. tape

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. marry brette
2. be healthy
3. ~shrugs~

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. sectretive
2. dark
3. deep

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. cold
2. reclusive
3. meditative

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. Irish
2. all
3. the way

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. build
2. eyes
3. hair

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. scars
2. nose
3. feet

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. i love baked ziti
2. i detest my boss
3. i'm with brette

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. 'm.'
2. 'i love you.'
3. 'hmm.'

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. heaven
2. alaska- again
3. kansas- again and only for brette

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY
1. fox
2. foxo
3. foxy

THREE HANDLES I HAVE HAD
1. agony
2. undertow
3. romance [all rpg horses]

If I were a month, I'd be: December
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Monday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 12 AM
If I were a planet, I'd be: Mars.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: Dolphin
If I were a direction, I'd be: South
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: Chair
If I were a sin, I'd be: Wrath
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Galileo
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Blood
If I were a tree, I'd be: Oak
If I were a bird, I'd be: Crane
If I were a flower, I'd be: Orchid
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Rain
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: Gryphon or Pegasus
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: Piano
If I were an animal, I'd be: A Fox, duh.
If I were a color, I'd be: black
If I were an emotion, I'd be: Remorse.
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: Artichoke
If I were a sound, I'd be: Whisper
If I were an element, I'd be: Water
If I were a car, I'd be: hmm...
If I were a song, I'd be: hmm...
If I were a movie, I'd be: Autumn in New York
If I were a food, I'd be: Eatten
if I were a place, I'd be: home?
If I were a material, I'd be: Silk
If I were a taste, I'd be: A fine wine
If I were a scent, I'd be: Clean air
If I were a religion, I'd be: My own.
If I were a word, I'd be: Agony.
If I were an object, I'd be: blade
If I were a body part, I'd be: eyes
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: a pout
If I were a subject in school, I'd be: psychology
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: hmm...
If I were a shape, I'd be a: A circle.
If I were a number, I'd be: 3.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Name: Fox
Nicknames: fox, foxo, foxy
Age: 23
Birthday: feb 2
Astrological sign: aquarius
Chinese sign: hmm...
Location: Florida.
Height: 6'11" and no that's no typo
Hair: blonde
Eyes: right now they're blue
Usual clothing worn: drawstrings
Pets: Dog named Crickey simply because the croc hunter went 'crickey!' on tv when i came home with him.
Character species: thoroughbred horse? husky?


RELATIONSHIPS

Best friend(s): liz, brette/lacey, britty
Friend you've known the longest: liz
Friend(s) you want to get to know better: britty
Sexual preference: Straight
Boyfriend/girlfriend: girlfriend
How long have you been together: a long time
Ever been kissed: yes
If so, when was your first kiss: i think it was in 1997
Ever had sex: yes
If so, how old were you: 18
Shortest relationship: i do believe a year?
Number of ex's: 2- jessica and meggan
Type of person you're attracted to: honest

11:33PM - damnable survey.

Name: Fox
Do you like it?: Depends on who's saying it.
Nicknames: Foxo, Foxy
Screen names: FChasee, lNauticalBtNicel
Age: 23
Birthday: Feb 2
Sign: Aquarius
Location: Palm Beach, FL
School: graduated college
Status: ~beams~ taken
Crush: nope
Virgin?: no
Natural hair color: titan blonde
Current hair color: wheat blonde -thank you winter
Eye color: ranging from aqua to slate and all blues in between varying by mood.
Height: 6'11" and no that's not a typo
Birthplace: Ireland
Shoe size: it varies.

[ family ]
Parents: deceased
Siblings: deceased
Live with: alone
Favorite relative: liz can be considered one, so her.

[ favorites ]
Number: 16
Color: black
Day: Friday
Month: December
Song: none
Movie: autumn in new york
Food: baked ziti
Band: none
Season: Winter.
Sport: none.
to watch: equine activities
Class: psychology.
Teacher: Prof. Heartli she was a true inspiration to many of her students even after her death
Drink: hot chocolate
Veggie: artichoke
TV Show: x-files. it was intriguing
Radio Station: 93.1
Store: quite possibly illuminations the atmosphere is nice as are the candles
Word: brette
Animal: close call between dogs and horses
Flower: orchid
State: montana


[ this or that ]
Me/You: You.
Coke/pepsi: COKE
Day/night: Night
Aol/aim: AIM- easier block feature
Cd/cassette: CDs
Dvd/vhs: DVD- more options
Jeans/khakis: cose call
Car/truck: car
Tall/short: hmmm.
Lunch/dinner: dinner
NSYNC/BSB: whcih one's easier to kill?
Gap/Old Navy: gap
Lipstick/Lipgloss: chapstick i can wear it, brette can wear it and neither can be ridiculed. it's the unizex lip wear!
Silver/Gold: white gold. pretty like silver, but not silver.
Alcohol/Weed: neither


[ love and relationships ]
Do you have a bf/gf?: yes
Do you have a crush?: no
How long have you liked him/her?: years.
Why do you like this person?: i LOVE her because of her honesty and the way she hasn't left my side for over six years. i love her because she's waited and she isn't selfish. i love her because she's... well she's brette.
If you're single... why are you single?: im not single
How long was your longest relationship?: three years
How long was your shortest relationship?: a year
Who was your first love?: Jessica Danker.... I married her, she destroyed me, we divorced.
What do you miss about them?: Not all is gold that glitters.


[ the past ]
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: Many things. Such as having to watch liz suffer, believing meggan.... if it were up to me liz would be happy as can be and meggan would never have existed.
What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: meggan.
Last thing you heard: 'see you later tonight'
Last thing you saw: joyli's IM
Last thing you said: 'i love you too, see you later.'
Who is the last person you saw?: liz's dad.
Who is the last person you kissed?: brette
Who is the last person you hugged?: brette
Who is the last person you fought with?: liz
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: brette
What is the last TV show you saw?: it was a movie- '2 weeks notice'
What is the last song you heard?: autumn in new york

[ the present ]
What are you wearing?: white 'wife beater' and draw strings
What are you doing?: typing and reading.
Who are you talking to?: no one
What song are you listening to?: None.
Where are you?: in my computer room
Who are you with?: my dog
Are you online?: no. i'm just on a network that runs computers through the phone-lines enabling me to talk to people through a lit up box with words and post this here.
How are you feeling?: well
Are you in a chatroom?: no


[ future ]
What day is it tomorrow?: Thursday
What are you going to do after this?: wait for brette
Who are you going to talk to?: brette
Where are you going to go?: probably nowhere
How old will you be when you graduate?: i was 22
What do you wanna be?: i'm a psychologist by profession, but i'd like to be a good husband, father, lover... well i'm already a good lover, or at least i think so.
What is one of your dreams?: see my child succeed in life.
Where will you be in 25 years?: with brette


[ have you ever ]
Drank?: yes
Smoked?: cigarettes, yes.
Had sex?: yes.
Stolen?: no.
Done anything illegal?: ~chuckles~ yes.
Wanted to die?: yes.
Hit someone?: yes.


[ other ]
Do you write in cursive or print?: cursive
Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
What is your sexual preference?: i'm straight.
What piercings do you have?: used to have my ear and eyebrow. but currently? none.
Tattoos?: None.
Do you drive?: yes.
Do you have glasses or braces?: glasses for reading
Did you like this survey?: not particularly, no.